Adley asked me today why are we having another baby. I don’t think my answer was great but it satisfied his curiosity and he went on to ask me what the princess in Shrek is called.

All I ever remember wanting to be was a mum. To have a baby to love and take care of and teach and reach out to. I don’t know if my daydreams about motherhood ever went to a place where I would lie in bed and wonder what I did right for my kids today, or how many times I lost my temper with them or how my 4 year old was sure to already hate me. Being a mum is so much more then I thought it would be!

Yesterday was a ‘bad’ day in mum world. I was grumpy, it was hot and we had no plans. Add an energetic 4 year old boy who has been cooped up inside for nearly a month out of his normal routine waiting for a baby who was supposed to arrive just after Christmas and you don’t get a good mix. After putting him to bed (early) and quickly escaping outside to the front bench with Pride and Prejudice, that terrible guilt set in! No one told me about mother guilt all those times I dressed up my dolls and lovingly took care of them! I ended up putting Pride and Prejudice down, having a tear filled shower and curling up into bed to erupt in sobs every now and then. I could put all this down to the fact that it was a 40 degree day and I am 41 weeks pregnant or I could actually sift through the mother guilt and pull out the pieces that I can actually do something about to being the mum Adley need’s me to be.

Somehow through my irrational brain I decided that when Adley woke up this morning, I would get up with him. Give him a cuddle and tell him we had a promise to make to each other. Being the ‘adult’ that I am, I had to take at least some of the responsibility…..he is only 4 And today we managed to keep our promise. I tucked him into bed tonight and I didn’t mind reading him that extra long story, or going in for an extra cuddle. We had fun today and I enjoyed seeing his smile and answering his many…..many questions. So…why are we having another baby? Being a mum is so much more of a challenge then I ever thought it would be, but it is so much more rewarding then I ever dreamed possible. Loving one baby is scary, it is unbelievable how much your heart lives out of your body after the birth of your first child. With the second, it is wonderful to know that you have created two people who will always be family, who will always look out for each other and love each other…..your heart still fearfully loves your babies but it is made a little easier knowing they have each other. And a third….well, we are still waiting to see. But when you have 2 beautiful children and God has given you a desire for another, how can you not want to create that love all over again!

“What are you talking about?”

“…Hope”

                                       Shawshank Redemption.

The idea of hope has always fascinated me. It is why I smile at strangers, it is why I sponsor a child through Compassion International and it is why I dream.

It has always been my dream to start a H.O.P.E. house. At first I thought this would stand for Health, Oppurtunity, Protection and Education but life has taken me on many surprise turns and today it stands more for the desire and search for a future good, difficult but not impossible to attain: one definition of Hope.

Poverty goes beyond the images we see of African children fly ridden and hungry it starts on our very doorsteps, in our own wealthy countries.  So often we hear of stories of young children reverting to crime and drugs, repeating a cycle that they were born into. What if we could give parents hope, specifically young mums hope that there could be a future full of good things for their children?

So this is the fence I am perching on. I am overlooking my area, where I am living right now and seeing where I can make a difference in the world I am living in. Where I can give Hope.

The matrix of my mind is centering around working with young mums from the earliest days of their parenting journeys, before the baby is even born. If a young pregnant woman meets often with a trained birth attendant (a doula) and speaks of their birth experience, what is going to happen to their bodies while they have their babies, what emotions they can expect during and after the birth of their child and the immediate first steps they can take to bond with the tiny being that is now their responsibility, would that make a difference to the early moments of their parenting and the childs life? I think it would…but that isn’t all that is needed to give hope of a better future.

A doula is with the woman through the biggest experience of their life. Leaving a trust that goes beyond words between the new mum and the doula. Making the doula an integral mentor and advisor for this new parent.

But the need for a mentor, an advisor or an attendant doesn’t end at birth. Continued meetings between doula and new mum need to occur, peer support from other young mums with a focussed learning on how they can best parent their child despite economic circumstances. Occasions for mum to bond with their baby and a learning environment to allow them to do that. Breaking a cycle of distant parenting or neglect that these young parents have lived through themselves.

Parenting isn’t easy and often doesn’t come naturally. It isn’t just for young parents that need help but that is where my heart desire lies. Encouraging mums to take responsibility for ther childrens outcome is a huge puzzle piece that is missing from our society. I know that other circumstances play a large role in the way a child develops but providing a loving, nurturing home from an early age that has clear expectations of being a successful and fruitful part of the community will lead a child a family along a positive journey. Teaching the importance of good nutrition, loving touch, play as well as encouraging healthy relationships between family members and breasfeeding a baby is what I forsee being a large part of a doula led organisation for young mums.

I think this is what gives hope to the future of a new born baby. This is what gives hope to a family.

If you give hope to a person, you give hope to a family, you give hope to a community, you give hope to a country, you give hope to the world!

This is how hope lives in my life….now I just need to have the faith to jump off the fence!

This move brings so many emotions. 2 years ago all I wanted to do is move back to Australia. The reality of marrying someone from the otherside of the world was overwhelming, I just wanted my comfortable home back where I knew where I was, where I could pop into my families house anytime I wanted….even where I could ask my mum how to iron Rick’s collars right (I actually remember complaining about that!) Rick was wonderful to me….he stood by my as impossible as I was, he found little ways to bring Australia to me and then he promised that we would look into moving back to Australia when the time was right!

I think know is the right time. The news is reporting that Australia is the best place to live at the moment when you consider the way the economy is going. Rick and I both get a chance to work, to work in fields that will interest and challenge us (and help us make some money!) Adley will get a chance to know his grandparents and uncle and so many others that love him over there, and my extended family will get a chance to get to know my new growing family.

But with the excitement that change brings….it all brings sadness of the things left behind. Leaving CCC (again) was hard on Sunday. We love the church, their mission, the people, the kids program, the messages and what they are doing locally, nationally and internationally. Leaving just as fall is approaching is a little sad to! I love the Fall! To try and fit some of the fall in, Adley and I spent today at a pumpkin farm…but there weren’t many pumpkins…and the leaves on the trees were still green! And leaving before Jekka and Jon’s wedding is so sad! Although them honeymooning in Australia makes it a little less disappointing.

For me though, the hardest thing to do is leave my mums. Melissa, Marci, Stephanie, Candi and Jessi are just beautiful women and they have been with me since Adley was just 8 pounds! They have helped to shape me as a mother and given me the confidence I have needed, been a shoulder on the hard days, Offered me rest when I have needed it and made me laugh so many times. We are such an odd bunch that has been bought together by the most amazing gift of a child and I wouldn’t replace any of them for the world. I am going to miss seeing them grow in their confidence as mother’s and watch as they begin to grow their families. Hopefully they will come and visit me….and I have purposefully left my things at their houses so that we have to stay in touch! Adley and I pray for ‘our’ mums and their babes every week and we will continue to pray that they stay safe and healthy and that their relationships with each other and with God continue to grow.

Tomorrow is the day….I should go and clean or something…..if I can get motivated

We have some words…car, mum, dada, hi, byebye, phone, ball, cheers (accompanied by needed to touch his cup to something else!) Then we have an occasional handsign for more accompanied by a half smile and ‘plllllsss’. Then there is the waving of arms and grunting noises towards something! Luckily for us…he doesn’t like a varied amount of things. The grunts are usually for food, drink or the phone. I love his ‘up’ where he runs to us and grabs our legs and looks up! And when he gets in trouble….he definetly has a bottom lip that pops out! But I think my favourite….he understands directions now! ‘Don’t touch’ is followed by action, ‘Where’s mummy’s phone?’ is followed by walking around to find where he last dropped the phone and ‘throw out your diaper’ means Adley will pick up his gross diaper and put it in the bin! YAY! A victory for mum!

Last nights speech from Obama reminded me why I fell in love with America. The passion that an American leader speaks with is 100 fold more inspiring then a speech I have ever heard from an Australian. Not only the passion but the dreams and vision of this leader are worth listening to. I feel as if Barack Obama is supporting my dreams when he is speaking of change…I even feel a little patriotic to a country not my own!

Just imagine with me for a minute if all that Obama is saying he will do comes true! If more people had jobs that would support their families, if veterans were looked after with care and dignity, if poverty was a thing of the past, if healthcare was attainable to all people…if the ‘American Promise’ was kept.

I hope and pray that Barack Obama is more then a great inspirational speaker…I believe he is, or I want to believe he is. There needs to be a change in America, in the 5 years I have been here there has been a change…but it has been a backsliding change. You can sense it in people, I can see it on the streets, I know it in my husband’s eyes! If Obama is going to bring a sense of passion back to this country, then let it be!